Choice

I have no idea what I’m doing in life. I know where I want to end up. But I don’t know what I want to do week to week or day to day. How do I get to my prize? Where are the rules on how to play this game called life? I want to lay in bed, curl into my blankets and become ignorant of the world playing on outside.

Ideally I’d love to study the world from the comfort of my bedroom. The four walls that know me better than any soul on earth. I’m sitting in a pit of my anxious indecisiveness. I know only two things. I am unhappy and I want to be happy. That has become my ultimate goal. Some people chase money, career, love or even excitement. All I want in life is to feel the warm glow of happiness, the ability to smile and mean it.

I tried the whole running away to find the sunshine, but it’s still not thawing my soul. Do I risk the instability of my mental health to allow  more time for this happiness to finally arrive? Or do I become impatient, but accept reality, that I won’t find my permanent smile in the green hills and deep blue oceans of this new home?

I’ve moved 3 times in the past 34 weeks. These moves needed to occur, but does this one need to happen so quickly?

Someone please provide me the serenity to make and accept a choice.