Monster

He had moved away. He was so difficult to live with. All the lies, playing with the truth like play-doh in his hands. Whatever he wanted, he got. He was charming though, so you’d never know in the moment. He’d use his words to sweeten your cheeks, and fog the sense in your mind. It was trance like. But that’s just rubbish, isn’t it? It was just words and a voice after all, what power could he have over people, parents, and finally me? Didn’t they teach us in school; sticks and stones may break my bones but your words will never hurt me.

Maybe instead you heard… Sticks and stones may break your bones but my words will sow seeds of destruction in your heart and soul.

I wonder if you’ve thought about the power your words had? I wonder if you considered the crushing pain your actions left? I wonder if you even fucking think about it or have you been given the liberty of a free mind?

I feel like I’m stuck though. Trying to be free.

There was the time in the afternoon, I remember the door stop. I don’t know why. I remember the afternoon sun, and how it looked on the stop. As if sepia had covered my eyes somehow.

There was the time when you had a bunk bed. I saw the car lights shine through.

There was the time I heard the front door open. I heard the footsteps. Hoped.

Then there was the last time.

It was a dizzying process going from the show that was placed in front of people. The smiling, how everything was fine, joking around, the ‘normal’ teasing. I’ve always wondered since then. Wondered what it was like to be normal.

But there was only what I knew.

I knew a monster. A monster that hid his lies behind a smile.

I know that I’ll never fucking forget. This is branded into my mind, stagnant on my perspectives and behaviours in life. This will stalk my nightmares. I think I’ll always hate apart of me. The part that knew you.

Forgiving myself for your crimes has felt impossible so far.

So far.