Values

I’m terrified as all hell. Time’s finally caught up. It’s time that I put my words into action. Become the single independent human that values compassion, kindness, freedom, fairness and curiosity. I can see who I want to be. The silhouette that teases me into an excitement for the future. I don’t have anything or anyone holding me back.

It’s time to give to others like I’ve always wanted to. Give my time, money and compassion to those in need. Finally doing my due diligence for the society I live in. I’m ashamed I haven’t earlier and wear the guilt with me daily.

I will treat everyone with kindness, even those that have caused me harm. I know I can do this. The person I put my trust in, my best friend; destroyed my ignorant dumb hope I held for us. I’m thankful of that now, it was time I stopped acting like a teenager. Ignoring hard truths to avoid hurting oneself, inevitably always making it worse. He hurt me in ways I didn’t think him capable of. For all the tears and pain I felt, I didn’t wish him harm. Only happiness and peace. I truly hope he finds the person that will guide him to a lighter path with the complete warmth of love. It hurts at times, but that is grief. It is my individual singular pain, one that I do not want to share or wish onto someone else. I’d rather hope for happiness, I know that is what is needed in my own, his and the worlds existence. Kindness is a beautiful thing, but often beauty is birthed through pain.

It is a valuable luxury, freedom, that I am eternally grateful for. I am not naïve to the fact that had I been born in another era, I would not be able to express my feelings, knowledge or even desires. I would be at the mercy to most likely poverty and the will of a man. I could not have been educated, nor enjoy the freedom of choosing my identity. I am able to experience the many joys of the world because of the freedom afforded entirely to my circumstance. This is a privilege that I want to give the utmost respect to. Many humans in history, and presently have and would do incredible things to gain it.

It is with caution I say fairness. I mean the term as an equitable outcome. One that is everyone’s duty to observe and react accordingly to. This is also one of my greatest short falls. If I believe a situation unfair, I’ll begin to grow to resent the situation, experience or person. My short fall is not communicating this, and instead becoming frustrated. I’ve screwed myself over many times with handling situations poorly. I’m learning and can only continue to do so. Fairness may not be in everyone’s value list, but they still deserve the treatment.

Curiosity is the most exciting value in my little list. The ability to ask questions and learn of the world around us, is one of the greatest delights. There are so many different things to ask questions about, so many different categories, sub categories, mysteries and everything else that lies in between. The world is amazing. I take pleasure in learning about it.

It’s time I volunteer to the community I live. Complete the certificates and post graduate education I’ve been meaning to do. It’s time I shape up to the woman I have always wanted to be. I can’t shake the sadness, or lack of motivation. I can only understand that it’s going to be present and to observe it in quiet respect. I don’t wish to forget that experiencing suffering allows one to feel gratitude for the wonderful things in this life.