Fool

I was and am a fool.

I thought I meant something to him. I listened to his words, his promises and thought it was an honest statement of love. How wrong I was.

He doesn’t care. He never did. I was a comfort, not an individual to him.

He’s found his love, his sunshine and sweetness.

I’m committing emotional cutting every time I look at his photos. See how much happier he is now. Seeing what he looks like, actually in love.

I was just the one holding him back. I wanted it to work. I wanted to be with him. I hated our toxic dependency. I ended it. He found someone immediately.

I don’t want him back. I can’t trust his words. I truly want to want him happiness.

It just fucking hurts seeing him move on so quickly, so easily. Proving I was nothing. Just as I had always feared.

I wonder if he never moved on. I wonder if we would have found our way back to each other. I wonder if I could have still had the company of someone I called my best friend. But that’s just cruel and fucked up to think though. He never loved me like that. He’s found his happiness now and it isn’t me.

He’s found happiness. It doesn’t matter on the timing because no-one can control that.

I don’t matter to him now. It’s none of my business.

I wish it was true though, that he loved me as deeply as what he said. I think that’s what hurts the most, knowing it was all an exaggeration. It was a lie.

I knew it couldn’t be true.

But fuck.

I miss him.